Military Writing  - Award Examples

The following Example has been taken out of a FORMFLOW so the formatting might be off.  I did not changed mission information, only names to protect myself and the people I have received the information from.

I will attempt to give a little insight to the entire process if I know it.

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Copied from Form Flow used in MS Word with these settings
SET FOR: 
Laser Jet 4M
Pg Stats: .6 LT .6 RT .5 T .5 B

What I have found for C&I packages (again limited experience) is it should tell the reading audience what was going on and give a brief synopsis in the first bullet. I think of it along the lines of a duty title with impact.


- Keyed Sq Operation ENDURING FREEDOM success; lead SysAd for three Deployable Transit-cased
  Systems (DTS)--circuits/servers/18 workstations for U-2/Predator/Global Hawk imagery exploitation
  -- U-2/Distributed Ground Station-? (DGS-?) crew member for 23 combat sorties, over 200 hours
     --- Tops in unit! Maintained 100% mission ready rate despite system mods being introduced daily
  -- Bedded down 3d DTS suite in under 24 hrs--half allotted time! Identified/fixed space shortfalls,
      created floor plan blueprint and developed precise manning schedules--averted mission downtime 

Granted the first bullet is huge! Do to the complexity of the information it was expanded to a triple bullet. This will get points nicked off the total score. But in this case it was needed to better explain impact later in the award. As a writer you need to keep this in mind. Sometimes you need to sacrifice a little to make it easier for the judges to have a better understanding.

- Supervised the relocation of 42 mission systems; created improved workflow between intel analysts of multiple platforms; move done and systems mission capable in 3 hours vs. usual 1 1/2 days; unrivaled

- Technician skills second-to-none; absolute "go-to-guy" concerning DTS suites--no stones left unturned
  -- Handcrafted diagram on U-2 data feed into DTS; identified circuit drawbacks and possible solutions
  -- Worked side-by-side with Mission Intelligence Segment (MIS) contractor on transfer of critical intel to analysts within MIS from National (satellite) DTS suite; provided MIS analysts clear/precise data
  -- Configured system graphical user interface; afforded analysts access to additional exploitation tools 
  -- During weekend check, noticed primary system server on DTS in error state; immediately identified problem to memory fault; corrected file system problem in minutes--result, no mission downtime
  -- Created script to backup analyst target decks and exploit imagery; cut restoral time by 60 percent
  -- Modified analyst exploitation program; enabled imagery analysts access to vital files within minutes
- Single-handedly responsible for operation of Dissemination Element (DE) system within DTS facilities
  -- Mission-essential DE system provides interface from {NAF} and DGS-? to National imagery sites
  -- Added seven {NAF} exploitation systems to DE; provided access to vital National imagery intel data
  -- Conducted dissemination testing from MIS system to U-2 Front-End Processor; 18 more high-end workstations available for U-2 intel exploitation/dissemination ... fast transfer times lauded by HHQ 
  -- Engineered innovative procedures for creating user accounts on DE; enabled system administrators
to save valuable minutes creating accounts, maximized critical system security compliance/integrity
  -- Reconfigured DE archive files; reduced user login time from 3 minutes to approximately 10 seconds
  -- Drafted blueprint standard operating procedure guides for DE; guide expedited training of personnel

In the third and forth bullet you have witnessed clumping. I initially did not trust the large number of sub-bullets in the package. I chalk that up to "canned" Air Force education, e.g. ALS and NCOA. But each of the sub-bullet added substantial impact to the main. Plus trying to keep them separated could have possibly lead to confusion and/or wordiness.


- Displayed incomparable leadership of six-person system administration shop enveloping two AFSCs
  -- Consolidated training requirements for both AFSCs; created detailed 797 task list--set the standard
  -- Directly responsible for intense training of newly assigned personnel; beat training requirements 
  -- Restructured manning schedule to meet intense 24/7 workload; avoided work overload and burnout
- Versatile; key member of {WING}Exercise Evaluation Team (EET) that prepped {Base} for 2001 ORI
  -- Inspected deployment bags; evaluated {SQ} RS cargo; identified weaknesses/recommended fixes to unit/wing battlestaffs ... actions key to unit/wing "Excellent" ORI ratings across the board; success!
- Represented DGS-? at DTS Program Management Review; seniors lauded for valuable participation
  -- Raised informative issues concerning current procedures and proposed changes--set tone for future 
- Directed/supported system admin functions during installation of BIRDSNEST system hardware and
software; state-of-the-art system provides advanced language training for unit cryptographic linguists
  -- Assisted with installation of security patches for BIRDSNEST system software; met security needs
- Security conscious--changed over 26 system passwords; thwarted potential for security compromise
- Adjusted screenlock configuration on workstations in DTS suites; avoided loss of important intel data
- Strictly applied Communications Security (COMSEC) procedures to safeguarding critical information
  -- Directly contributed to the unit's "Excellent" rating during last base COMSEC inspection--vigilant!
- Significantly assisted Defense Intelligence Agency with accreditation testing of new DTS equipment
  -- Successfully executed myriad of step-by-step taskings/procedures included in site accreditation
test manuals ... identified problems, implemented corrections ... system granted authority to operate
- Dazzled the boss ... gave superb DTS/DE briefing to {NAF}/CC--CC knows what we bring to the fight
- Always ensures analysts have tools they need for accurate targeting so flyers can put bombs on target

Although not needed this package has a closing sentence. It acted as a good conclusion, even using the Chief of Staff's buzz words, "Bombs on Target".

General Notes:

In this Time is a huge factor in the majority of the bullets. It depends on your location and mission. What was portrayed in this was cost savings in Time. After 9/11, time was a huge buzz word in the military. Knowing the buzz of the moment can lead to very strong packages. Like all Air Force writing, know your audience.