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You Know You're Out Of The Military When... 

Author: Unknown

* I call my boss Mike, his boss Larry, and his boss Bob.
* Kiwi regains its meanings as a flightless bird native to New Zealand.
* I'm now making full use of both arms for carrying items, and save loads of time not looking for my hat. (once I realized I don't wear one anymore)
* One look at my new paycheck and I now know why they called it the LES(s).
* Any time saved not doing PT in the morning is lost trying to figure out what to wear to work.
* I can again use the "passive" voice in my writing without the grammar police smacking my knuckles.
* Forget to shave? Just tell 'em you're starting your beard that day! Haircut? Ha!
* Can walk to the right side of Mike, Larry, and Bob without violating some medieval concept of courtesy.
* Have finally worked "Airborne", "Hoo-Ah", "Air Assault", Sh*!", and "Fu#@" out of my daily vocabulary.
* Business lunches, golfing, and baseball season tickets are considered a part of work.
* The ability to run long distances quickly and do many push-ups or sit-ups is not confused for intelligence, leadership potential, or degree of motivation.
* Have determined brown T-shirts and OD Socks go with nothing in the real world.
* Can fly to New Zealand to see small flightless birds without having to get permission and a bunch of signatures on a DA Form 31.
* Can't remember the last time the shoes I wore to work got any mud on them.
* Office empties at 5:15 PM. Only people left behind are ex-military whose wives couldn't take the shock of seeing their spouses before 7:00PM.
* No guards at the entrance to my subdivision.
* All the years of learning great cadences wasted on the civilian world.
* Discovered jumping out of a perfectly good plane on a business trip is a federal offense.
* If a cannon goes off at the office at 6:30 AM or 5:00 PM you call 911.
* No harassment from people with nothing better to do than worry whether my coat is zipped or not.
* Nobody seems to have heard of AFN, AFRTS, Anthony's Pizza or AAFES. 

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Joke added on: 25 January 2005