Lurnin Englesh bi Fonx

Webster's Dictionary

           “PHONIC” - a method of teaching beginners to read and pronounce words by learning the phonetic value of letters, letter groups, and esp. syllables.

          Am I missing something here?  We surely can't be talking about English!  If we are, I definitely have some questions and misgivings that I would like to have cleared up.  My first question is:  If  I can't even 'phonetically' spell PHONETICS and be correct - how can it work correctly?

          Okay.  Let's say for argument's (or lack of argument's) sake, they come up with an acceptable answer - there is still a larger mogul yet to be climbed.  How is one supposed to 'phonetically' choose the correct spelling of a word that is spelled properly two or three different ways?  If you are relying on your computer's "Spell Check"..... Boy, do you have a surprise coming!  

          How do I know that what I write is right when, even after going through the rite of double checking, I am told that I'm right only to find out that what I wrote was wrong?  Are they painting the monumental task of learning English in a hue of simplicity to attract you and I?  Are they enticing us to follow them, as a ewe would to the slaughter, only to find knife-wielding teachers ready to hew our heads off? 

          There is hope - all is not for naught!  And with the knot in your stomach tightening you ask, "What hope?!  Can you aid us in this journey through sounds and symbols that sound like cymbals, oh aide of ours?"

          Of course not, are you crazy?!  This is no wee task we are wishing to accomplish - so sow this thought of comfort and let it grow, or sew it into your memory:  They, too, are too confused to take the time to notice if the two of us have passed them by.  Trust me.  To test it, I donned a tu-tu and just as the new day dawned, I piroutted past them and they didn't even notice (just like you didn't notice pirouette was misspelled)!

          I think I've made my point.  If they think this argument is weak?  I'll give them a week to put together their arguments to convince me that theirs isn't the weakest.  So there I be and they're all mad.